The recovering sex addicts I advise frequently inquire what their partners need in order to rebuild trust in the aftermath of sexual treachery. My first solution is pretty clear: TRUTH, in conjunction with fidelity, esteem, and an ending to exploitation. She needs to understand her partner actually desires to listen to her heart and is ready to talk about his own. But the simplest need of all, the one that may be crucial in eventually restoring trust, is sadly the one that’s most ruined by treachery — a sense of psychological safety in the relationship.
When the junkie realizes the pursuit for psychological safety is the fuel that drives the behavior for partners of sex addicts, the multitude of emotions and activities that frustrates recovering junkies and confounds many therapists becomes clear.
Treachery is stabbing for partners. When a partner’s treachery happens in the context of a sex addiction the prospect of future treacheries can not be blown off and the consequent stress becomes overwhelming for sex addiction. Not only does the partner not trust the enthusiast, she no longer trusts her own feeling. Since she either ignored her instinct or her instinct let her down, self doubt is now wild. Instinct, that most fundamental natural mechanism for safely navigating her mental universe is either quiet, now a way to obtain mistrust, or is hard to recognize the sound of her own feeling from injury created anxiety.
The partner was hurt by what she did not know, or did not realize, about her sexually addicted spouse. If she was hurt before by what she did not understand, she can be damage in the future by what she does not understand. This frequently triggers an extreme demand to locate every one of the sections of her partner’s sex addiction puzzle and to put them together in a sense that gives her a awareness of realizing what she is up against and whether she needs to stick around for the results. The puzzle she is wanting to solve is, “How do I keep myself emotionally safe.” And the answer is sex addiction counseling san jose.